Slug the Umpire

Here’s a poem that was originally printed in the Chicago Tribune in 1886, reprinted in Harvey Frommer’s Old-Time Baseball. I found the piece quite amusing, and I’m sure we have all had those moments when we could relate to the writer’s request.  Enjoy!


Mother, may I slug the umpire
May I slug him right away?
So he cannot be here, Mother,
When the clubs begin to play?

Let me clasp his throat, dear mother,
In a delightful grip
With one hand and with the other
Bat him several in the lip.

Let me climb his frame, dear mother,
While the happy people shout;
I’ll not kill him, dearest mother,
I will only knock him out.

Let me mop the ground up, Mother,
With his person, dearest do;
If the ground can stand it, Mother,
I don’t see why you can’t, too.

Mother, may I slug the umpire,
Slug him right between the eyes?
If you let me do it, Mother,
You shall have the champion prize

–Untitled (Slug the Umpire)
by Anonymous

5 thoughts on “Slug the Umpire

  1. Hi! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance
    from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog?
    I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick.

    I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where
    to start. Do you have any points or suggestions? Cheers

    1. Hi… thanks for stopping by! I’m pretty flattered that you’d ask me for blogging advice! I would say the most important thing you need for a successful blog is for it to be something that truly interests you and to which you can consistently contribute. I have found that readers are most likely to return to your blog if they know they will always find new content. That being the case, you don’t want to create a blog about something you might lose interest in.

      I have had a great experience with this blog through WordPress. Their platform is very easy to use and it gives statistical feedback that is tremendously helpful for gauging how well a blog is being received. I know some folks are partial to Blogger, and Tumblr has been extremely popular in recent years. I would advise reading reviews and exploring your different options before choosing a blogging service. Most, I think, are fairly simple when it comes to posting new content.

      Once you have a blog up and going, you’ll also want to promote it. Share it with your friends, your family, on your other social media sites… anything you can do to pick up traffic. After a while, if your content is good and consistently updated, traffic will come on its own.

Leave a Reply